1 year. 365 days.

***WARNING****

Emotional post...

1 year. 365 days. It doesn't seem possible. It doesn't seem real. It seems like just yesterday I got the call.

This day exactly one year ago I was working as a nurse in the Emergency Department. It was your typical busy day where I didn't get a lunch and barely even got the chance to sit down.

Around 4pm I had the chance to look at my phone and noticed I had 10 missed calls. That is never good. I called my dad back from the middle of the nurse's station while holding 6 different medications and IV bags in my arms. I was gruff on the phone when he answered because I was in a hurry and didn't have time to chat.

When he answered he simply asked, "What are you doing?"    

WHAT DO YOU THINK I'M DOING?!?!?!?!?!? I'm at work in the ER.

He said, well you should sit down... I knew. I knew something was instantly wrong. My heart sank. My stomach was sick. The next 4 words out of his mouth was something I was not prepared for. It was also something that I had been dreading my whole life.

"Your mother has died."

The next in the sequence of events is kind of blurry and still seems like a movie. I sank to my knees and dropped the medications to the ground. I remember saying, "No. No. No that can't be. It's not true." But it was.

I then remember being escorted to a back room by some of the nurses. They grabbed my belongings and escorted me out to a police squad car that took me to the parking garage where my car was. I drove sobbing and in disbelief. I did not go home. I drove straight to my best friend's house.

I have had the same best friend for almost 22 years. We are sisters. Been through thick and thin. Cried, laughed, fought, and enjoyed every moment we spend together. Her family is my family. She called them all and they were all there waiting by the time I even showed up. Throughout the night I had every person whom I hold dear to my heart come by and visit me until 3 am.

I did not want to go to sleep because I would have to remember that it wasn't a dream all over again.

 I did not get out of bed that next day. My head hurt from crying. My heart hurt worse.

No one can imagine losing their mother, especially at such a young age. She was only 56 years old. She will never see me get married. See me walk in my graduation for my masters degree. Hold my children some day.

She had her demons. Plenty of them. Our relationship struggled because of it. I always hoped that she would come back. Back to the mother I remember as a child. Back to the mother who held me when I scraped my knee. Who wiped my tears when people would bully me at school. I never got that back. And now she is gone. Watching me from above. It's funny because I think I see her once in while. People look like her in passing. It's a simple reminder.  

Through the miracle of social media and INCREDIBLE generosity of my friends and family we were able to raise enough money to hold a funeral for us to say goodbye.

My mother leaves behind 5 kids, friends, and family.

Fast forward 1 year. 365 days later.

After this happened I took guardianship of my 11 year old brother. Although he doesn't live with me, I have gotten the opportunity to become a "Disneyland Dad" of sorts and I can honestly say he has been such a blessing in my life. We have date night every week and I have introduced him to the great outdoors and traveling.

I am now entering into my last semester of graduate school to become a family nurse practitioner. I never even got to tell my mother that I got into the program.

I have lost 66 pounds in 8 months and become the healthiest and strongest I have ever been.

And.... I am happy. Despite the year from hell, I came out on top. I started from the bottom, now I'm here.

Erin Eileen Crockett

8/9/1958-12/29/2014

  

Xoxo, Love "Sissy"

Fat to fit to fat to fit.... Say what???

SPOILER ALERT...

As many of you may not know but I was quite chubby all growing up. I was the FFK (funny fat kid) in my group of friends. I embraced it. I accepted it. It became who I was.

BUT...

Did you know that my senior year of high school I graduated a semester early because it was a very unstable home life and I lost 100 POUNDS in 8 months?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

So..................................... Moral of the story is I lost that weight very unhealthily but kept it off for ten years without learning the basics of a healthy stable maintenance. Fast forward 10 years later and I started gaining a little weight here and there. It all spiraled out of control when I shattered my lower leg and 80 pounds later is where I was LAST CHRISTMAS!!!!!

Yessssssssssssssssss. That was me opening gifts this exact time last year. 12 months ago. 365 days.

I NEVER thought I would gain the weight back. But I did. It snuck back on. It surprised me. But I know exactly how is happened. Eating too much and not being active. NO. OTHER. EXCUSES.

So here I am. On my SECOND TIME losing weight and I am down 66 pounds and in the BEST shape of my life! I made a lifestyle change. I learned how to do it right this time! It is here to stay. Or go. Or whatever you want to call it. Basically, IT IS NOT COMING BACK EVER AGAIN!

FFK - Previous weight loss (100 lbs) + Weight gain (80 lbs) - Current weight loss (66lbs) =

                                                                   166 POUNDS (total lifetime weight loss)

Cheers to round 2. This time is the knockout round. Then I'm officially retired from this yo-yo business.

Xoxo,

Heather

Chapter 1: Life used to be so simple...

This is a story about me. I know what you are thinking right now. Why would anyone want to read a story about a simple girl from Utah? Stay tuned and I'll show you. I am real. The people are real. The events are real.

Here goes nothing.

lil’ ole me

My name is Heather. I was born in a place called Provo, Utah. I came from a pretty normal family with a mother who worked as a nurse and a father who is an engineer. My mother was a very charismatic person. She loved to be center of attention and the life of the party. She always wanted to make people laugh or tell a crude joke. My mother was a city girl from L.A. and grew up with the finer things in life but also with an alcoholic and abusive father. She met my father in college in a little town in Idaho through mutual friends and eventually ended up dating. My father grew up on a farm, moved pipe year-round, rode horses to school, and milked cows for his mother. Somehow they fell in love and got married. First mistake.

We have 4 original kids in our family and I fall into 2^nd place right behind my older brother. I then have 2 younger sisters. We lived pretty well off in a suburban neighborhood where we left our doors unlocked and kids could play night games without parental supervision. My grandparents on my mother’s side lived only about ten minutes away and I loved my Grandma Joan. She was my idol. More about her in a minute. My other grandparents on my father’s side, lived in Idaho on the farm where my dad was raised. In 2^nd grade, we moved to Alpine, Utah. This is where it all began. The life that I NEVER thought I would write about someday, all happened here. But first, let’s back track to the simpler days… Before we get into the nitty gritty of things.

donuts

I was a fat child. Not the, pinch your cheeks cause its cute kind of fat, but just fat. I was also a nerd. I was shy and awkward, and growing up I did not have a lot of friends. I was picked on and made fun of most of the time. I was always the last to be picked for kickball. But... there was one person who always understood me.

Grandma Joan.

Grandma Joan was a red-haired firecracker who worked as a real-estate agent and acted like she ran the world. She loved to say inappropriate things and embarrassed the hell out of me any chance she got. But, she loved me. I spent much of my time with her because she made me feel important. I spent so much time with her that I even dressed like her on most occasions. Many of which I am not proud of.

Most mornings my Grams would come and pick me up for school. On our way to school she would always take me to the nearby gas station where we would stop for breakfast. I, being the pudgy child that I was, was elated that I could pick my breakfast from anything they had to offer. At only 6 years old, I was about eye level with these circular frosted morsels slathered with an arrangement of sprinkles and nuts. I was a kid at a candy shop. However, after much trial and error I found the perfect combination.

A chocolate chocolate donut with a 32 ounce Diet Coke.

Crushed ice.

 Red Straw.

This glorious concoction of sugar and fizz could not be recreated even if I tried. Every morning I would enjoy the crisp carbonated freshness that the soda had to offer as it tingled down my throat with every gulp on my way to school. I would savor the melted chocolate frosting that coated my pudgy fingers and were ready for the licking. Those were the good old days.

Simple. Easy. Predictable.

Now skip ahead to when I moved to Alpine. To the happy days. To the darker days. To the most memorable days. To even some days when I thought there was no God on this Earth…